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My Story 
I’m honored that you want to read my story and sincerely know that you will gain from my experience, strength and hope. Thank you for this opportunity. I grew up in West Virginia in a family of five. My parents both worked and my brothers were older. Mom was an elementary school principal and Dad an over the road truck driver. I was the only girl and the baby. Not sure if that is suppose to have specific meaning, but it appeared to have importance. I was Daddy’s little girl and a full-fledged "tomboy”. I lived in the suburb of the capital city, Charleston, and was the only girl in a 2-block radius. Riding toy racecars, playing football, dodge ball, trucks and fort were games of choice and my dolls (including the original Barbie) stayed in their boxes. I was a large kid for my age, the tallest of all boys and girls in the 6th grade and heaviest. I had to sit up front in the classroom, due to a hearing loss. It felt strange being the biggest kid in the entire school and sitting in the front row. I was very athletic and great at sports, so the boys always picked me first when choosing from the girls. Having 2 older brothers really helped me hold my own when playing with the guys. On the other hand I had challenges fitting in with the girls. I remember being soooooooo excited when another girl was moving into the neighborhood. Crystal was her name. She was tall and thin and had black hair. We played together a couple times, then one day I went to see Crystal, knocked on the back door and her mother opened the door and told me I played to rough to play with Crystal. I was devastated. I cried all the way home as I walked up the ally. It was hard going to school where my Mom was the school principal. It was important that it never appeared we had special favoritism. The other kids never invited us to birthday or holiday parties. I never fit in or belonged, and often cried myself to sleep at night. I really loved animals. We had a family dog, Collie and Germen-Shepherd mix. Her name was Lady and she was loyal and committed to all of us. We traveled a lot during the summer and Lady was always waiting when we returned, jumping and yapping to welcome us home. My grandparents had a numerous acreage farm where I spent most of my summers when we weren’t traveling. There were lots of dairy cows, beef cattle, sheep, chicken, genies, and pigs on the farm. My grandpa loved horses, but I can’t remember any ever being on the farm. Grandpa talked about them and I just loved horses. It was my Grandpa and Dad that made it possible for me to get my first horse, Mitzi. I thought the world of Mitzi. I have been so fortune to have horses my whole adult life.
Guess what I decided to be when I went to college? You picked veterinary didn’t you? Fear kept me from pursuing veterinary medicine. I didn’t think I was smart enough. I had really low confidence and was afraid to try, so I choose another career that enabled me to care for people. I went into Speech/Language Pathology. I could fix children and adults’ speech, thinking and swallowing problems. I could do it in schools, hospitals, or nursing homes. After all I was able to fix the kitten and now I could fix people. Everyone, my supervisors, co-workers all told me I was a great speech therapist. I had one supervisor that told me “Marilyn, you would treat the dead and fix them”. I wanted to fix my patients and I would do anything possible to make them better. Just before graduating with my Masters in Speech/Language Pathology, I married my boyfriend of 5 years, Dick. He was always attentive and complimentary, kind of kept me on this white horse or high up on a pedestal. Made me feel great about myself and I felt better than I had every felt before. You know important, in charge and conquer anything. He was a country boy and I had a college degree and about to have a Masters. Now I know that didn’t make me better than others, but I wanted to teach him to be (in my eyes) better and be more like me. I wanted to change him and fix things the way I wanted. He should think and do things like I did. I had purpose in this guy’s life. I was going to show him a better way to live and be…that was how I showed love. I thought I was helping and teaching him, even if he didn’t need it or wasn’t asking for it. Well my adult life began to fill with one emotional roller coaster ride after another, one chaotic incident after another. The more I forced solutions the more unmanageable life became. There was just trouble and constant turmoil. Not knowing what was to come next or when it would come. It was the right thing to keep doing whatever it took to stop this merry-go-round. I didn’t know I was part of the problem. If only it would stop life would be just great. I wasn’t looking for perfection, or may be I was, but my belief was life was to be perfect. I had this whole image of how life was to be. The image ingrained from my up bringing and social shaping from other influences in early years. The college degrees, career, marriage, home and all the “things” I wanted in life and then may be kids. Life was all planned out. Come on, everyone plans out their life. Sticking to the plan was away to keep moving forward. Keep checking those goals off and staying focused on what needed to be done to get each and every one of those goals. Our relationship was not working. If you ignore the “blue donkey” (troubles), it will go away or better nobody else will notice. The “blue donkey” in my life wasn’t florescent; it was more like powder blue. It blended in and went along and never made any noise, but participation was non-existent. I had criticized, brow beat and manipulated until participation was not possible. I learned many years later that participation is the key to harmony. The harder and more I tried to change the color, push and poke into a mold, deny the existence, feed every need of the “donkey”, the large it grew. I lost; I was out of ideas and out of control. I had become insane without knowing it. I lost myself… Gulp, I was sick. Not physically sick, but emotionally. I was not mentally ill, but was doing pretty insane actions. That concept was really difficult to swallow. However, there was nothing healthy about my life. I had even come to a place if it had not been for the love of my dog and horse, I might have considered termination of life. The radical piece was I still didn’t get it. Not only did I not get it the first time, nor the second, I had to experience the pain over and over until I realized that it was really the self that was driving my illness not the “blue donkey”. I had earned my certification in enabling and fixing skills all my life. I really liked taking care and doing for others. That was how I showed my love and was how I fit in and had purpose in life. Remember, it made me feel needed and mostly, a sense of belonging. When I was able to please others they liked me and wanted me around. In other words it made me one with the group. That was what my ego told me. Really I was judging and trying to change others to be like me, and allowing myself to be used just to have a relationship. Sacrifice myself to be used, just to fit in and be liked. Gulp, how sick is that…? I did this in my professional life, too. I spent years in the corporate world with way more customers and accounts than one person could manage. I constantly had my feelings hurt, because the judgment in the business world could be brutal and I took it to heart (personal). It was soooooooo important to me that everyone was pleased and happy with my work and the work of the employees. Trust me, it is true about the saying; “You can’t please everyone”. God knows I tried…and I was sad, run down and often felt alone. Not once did it occur to me that I was doing better than expected, or recognize myself, I was focused with blinders to do better and please the entire corporate world. I had unrealistic expectations for others and myself. I just keep sacrificing myself. I think you are beginning to get a clear picture of my self-sabotaging beliefs and behaviors in my personal and professional life. Changing my color, shape and accept responsibility for my existences and the quality of my life became my focus. It came with tears, fears, resistance, surrender, acceptance, and amends to other to mention a few. I resisted looking at myself. Taking the process of identifying my characters, good and not so good. I had a lot of fear that if I changed I would loose the only love in my life, my husband. That we would grow apart because I would be making changes and he wouldn’t. Again, I was thinking he had to change. The greatest resistance I faced was letting go of his life. Then I realized if I didn’t keep my spoon in my own bowl, he would have to leave for his own survival. The fog lifted and the excitement filled my heart. I actually had a positive, helping reason to leave his life to him. I can keep my spoon in my own bowl. I can eat off my own plate. I’m not in charge of the selection, temperature or taste of someone else’s food. My business is what is in my bowl. Through this analogy I was able to begin to separate what was my business and what wasn’t. This small skill of LetGo for love of life and happiness was the first step that brought me to a higher level of existence, a higher level of existence in my life, relationships, work and purpose. A spiritual connection with my higher power and be of service without self-sabotaging. By applying new philosophy to my life I transitioned from being a fixer to a mentor, when asked. I left the corporate world of speech therapy and rehab management (in charge roles) to coach, train, teach and mentor others to LetGo for love of…what makes them happy; to LetGo and transform their life, and uncover their purpose and connection to a higher power of their understand. I am an expert in life transformation. I have the knowledge, strategies and tools to set all people on their pursuit to abundant joy, freedom and serenity. My purpose is to create acceptance, compassion and respect for all life one person at a time.
If you relate to my story, want my success, have felt or feel the pain I carried for years, please, let me support, mentor and coach you to Emotional Wisdom. Contact LetGo Enterprises, LLC NOW at marilyn@LetGo-Enterprises.com or call 1-877-600-2622. LetGo and Transform Your Life… DON’T WAIT ANOTHER MINUTE! Marilyn Bonnett, MA CCC-SLP Communication Relations Mentor Coaching Services
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I am here to tell you that you can be happy no matter what has happened or is going on in your life. Without the downward spirals in my life, I might have never needed or been empowered to shift my thinking to a higher level of existence. Exist with an unconditional acceptance of one human to another. LetGo of judgment and giving the people I love and work with the power to live their life regardless of their path. To know that there is a plan for all humanity and I am not the plan creator. That is the kind of the relationships we all dream of being apart. The unconditional relationship and love I have with my animals and now with my husband of 27 years, as well as others in my life. Having that feeling of belonging, without martyrdom, mothering, or manipulation. Trust, it is possible and it is truly bliss!
